Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
