We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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