she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
