Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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