My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
