you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
