i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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