Whoa Z and x make the same sound
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
