My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
