update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
