fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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