So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize