i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
