Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
