you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
