Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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