Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
