If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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