i think i scared a bird with my dick
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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