i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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