So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
