A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
