I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
