the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I smell like Dick and happiness
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
