I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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