I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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