well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
