had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
