dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
