After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
