Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
