I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
