dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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