I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
