So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
