whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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