Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
