His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
