Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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