Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
