Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
