I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
