Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So here I am, sexting at work.
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