Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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