Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
