Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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