would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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