I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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