All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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