Jerry, you need to find god
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
