I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
