What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
