the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
