i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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