everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
