so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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