Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
