Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
