i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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