I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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