i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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