Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
