So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize