Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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