His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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