i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
