epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
