i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
