You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
