You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize