proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
