Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
