she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
