i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
