Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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