I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
