i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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