Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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