dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
