I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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