The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
