I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Welp...herpes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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