she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
